REMIX "WATEVER YOU TOUCH"

I SAID U CAN TOUCH WATEVER U LIKE, YOU LIKE

I SAID U CAN TOUCH WATEVER U LIKE YEAAAAAAAAA

JIPS IS GAY, BLOWS ON STICKS,

TELLS THE BOYZ TO RUB HIS CHICKS,

I SAID YOU CAN TOUCH WATEVER U LIKE YEAAA

JIPS GOES OUT, STROKES ON PIPES,

SMELLS LIKE HACKS AND FLIES HIS KITE,

BUT NEVER EVER TAKE A BREAK,

CAUSE IT IS HIS CHANCE TO TAKE,

HE WILL PUT U ON THE WAITING LIST,

THEN HE WILL MAKE U SMELL HIS PISS,

YEAAAAA

I SAID YOU CAN TOUCH WATEVER YOU LIKE, U LIKE

I SAID YOU CAN TOUCH WATEVER YOU LIKE YEAAAAAAA,

JIPS IS GAY , STROKES ON PIPES,

TELLS THE BOYZ TO RUB HIS CHICKS,

I SAID U CAN TOUCH WATEVER U LIKE YEAAAAAAA

IT DUN MATER U BLACK OR WHITE,

AS LONG AS YOU ALLOW HIM TO TOUCH YOUR PIPE,

IF YOU THINK YOUR OUT FOR LOT OF FUN,

WELL THINK AGAIN CAUSE HE IS A PIECE OF TORN

IT DONT MATTER U BIG OR STRONG,

CAUSE HIS IS ACTUALLY BIG AND LONG,

YEA I SAID YOU CAN TOUCH WATEVER YOU LIKE , YOU LIKE

I SAID U CAN HAVE WATEVER YOU LIKE YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CHELSEA OWNER COMMITS SUICIDE?? BY STAR NEWSPAPER

London: 76 YEAR OLD AMERICAN TIN CAN OWNER ROMAN ABROMOBITCH WAS FOUND DEAD IN HIS HOME LOCATED UNDER A BRIDGE NEXT TO A DRAIN.. ACCORDING TO SOME SOURCE SOME SAY THEY FOUND A SIZE 12 BOOT SHOVED DOWN HIS MOUTH SIMILAR TO ANOTHER CASE WHERE 34 YEAR OLD DEFENDER JOHN TERRY WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED WHEN A BOOT SIZE 12 WAS STUCK IN HIS ANAL WHICH PREVENTED HIM FROM " MEMBUANGING AIR BESAR"... ROMAN WAS WELL KNOWN FOR HIS STUPIDNESS FAILING ALL MAJOR EXAMS IN HIS SCHOOL AND WAS ONCE A BAGGER AT BANGLADESH... SOON HIS FORTUNE CHANGE AS HE FOUND A RARE PEPSI CAN AND HE SET DOWN THINKIN WAT HE SHOULD DO WIT THIS USELESS TIN...AND THEN A BIRD GAVE HIM SHIT ON HIS HEAD WHICH ALLOWED HIM TO GET AN IDEA... ITS QUITE SIMILAR TO NEWTON SEATIN UNDER A TREE... HE GOT THE IDEA WHERE HE SHOULD RECYCLE TINS AND THIS BROUGHT HIM WHERE HE IS NOW... OWNING ONE OF THE CHEAPEST CLUB IN LONDON HE TURN THIS GREAT CLUB INTO A LOSING STREAK NEVER WINNING A TITLE... BUT AS THE SAYIN GOES " WHEN JIPS TOUCHES A PIPE , IT GETS HARD ALWAYS", I PERSONALLY DUN KNOW WAT TAT MEANS BUT IT SOUNDS GOOD... SOME SAY HE WAS BLACMAILED BY PJ WHO TREATENED TO GO ONE ON ONE WIT HIM IN BASKETBALL... AS WE ALL KNOW PJ IS THE "MISSING MACHINE" THATS WAT WE CALL HIM... HE IS VERY GOOD AT WHAT HE DOES... SOME PPL SAY THAT HIS TIN CAN BUSINESS WAS SOON GONNA GO BANKRUP AND DECIDED TO SELL TO ALEX FERGUSON BUT ALEX COULDNT TAKE OVER BECAUSE HE WAS BLIND,STUPID AND HIS FACE GLOWS VERY RED ALL THE TIME... SOME ALSO SAY ROMAN TRIPPED AND FELL ON A PAIR OF "ASADIS" WHICH CAUSE IT TO GET STUCK IN HIS MOUTH... WELL I WILL KEPP U UPDATED IN THE NEWS OF OUR DEARLY BELOVED FREK OF NATUR ROMAN

IT IS THE NBA DRAFT

WELCOME PEOPLE TO THE STAPLE CENTRE OF THE TWOOOOOO THOUSAND NINE NBA DRAFT PICKKKK....... WE HAVE INFORMATION THAT MALAYSIAN BASKETBALL CHAMPION SEKOLAH MENENGAH STELLA MARIS IS PARTICIPATING IN THIS YEARS DRAFT...... WE HAVE WEAPON X OF THE STELLA MARIS AND KENNY GOH IN THE STUDIO AREA COMMENTATING IN THIS YEARS DRAFT... "HOW YOU DOIN WEAPON X?" " OO IM DOIN GREAT..." " WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS YEARS DRAFT?" ASK KENNY... "HOPE THIS YEAR IS NOT GONNA BE SUCH A RACIST YEAR LIKE LAST YEAR WHEN ALL AFRICAN AMERICAN WERE CHHOSEN AND NO WHITES..." REPLIES X.... THE NFA DRAFT IS UNDER WAY... AND AFTER A FEW HOURS LATER... LA LAKERS COACH COMES OUT TO ANNOUCE HIS FIRST PICK.... "IN THIS YEARS DRAFT... LA LAKERS SELECT FOONG POOI JOE OF SMSM TO BE OUR BALL CARRIER AND WATER BOY"... WITH THAT ANNOUCEMENT THE CROWD WENT WILD AND PJ CAME UP STAGE FOR HIS ANNOUCEMENT... " FIRST OF ALL I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MY DOGS A 10 YEAR OLD GOLDEN RETRIVER AND A 14 GERMAN SHEPHERED FOR GIVING ME THE SUPPORT THAT TOOK ME HERE ALL THE WAY TO WHERE I AM NOW...." "I ALSO WOULD LIKE TO COMMENT ON MY POSITION ON BEING A BALL BOY... I THINK THIS IS A WONDERFUL OPPURTUNITY HOW ME TO PROVEMY SELF IN CARRYIN BALLZ AND DRINKIN WATER... IM AM VERY TALENTED... AS YOU ALL KNOW I HAVE THE LOWEST ACCURACY RATING, MOST AIR BALL, MOST PASS INTERCEPTION... MOST PASSES GIVEN AWAY AND I HAVE SPAGETTI LEGS WHICH ALLOWS ME TO FAKE MY INJURY BECAUSE MY LEG IS CAPABLE IN BENDING BACKWARDS.... MY FRENS CALL ME SHIT FOR A REASON... ITS BECAUSE I REALLY AM GOOD AT WHAT I DO... THANK YOU VERY MUCH..." "WHAT AND INTRESTIN SPEECH DUN U THINK KENNY?" I THINK HE IS ACTUALLY QUITE STUPID TO COMMENT ON BEING A BALL BOY AND SHOULD JUST LEARN TO FLY HIS KITE" SAYS KENNY... THE SECOND TEAM WHICH IS THE BOSTON CELTICS IS COMIN OUT TO MAKE THEIR PICK... " YOU KNOW I THINK DICKLESS IS GONNA GET PIC DUE TO THE AMOUNT OF TIME HE SPENDS EATIN BREAD WITH CURRY AND MAGGIE MEE WITH SLURPY..." AND THE BOSTON CELTIC SELECTS WEAPON X OF SMSM !!!!!!! " OMG.... ITS U X... THEY CHOOSE YOU... AND LOOK THERE IS A CONFLICT GOIN ON DOWN DAY!!! OMG THE HEAD COACH IS ASSASINATED BY SOME GUY USIN WOMANS LINGERIA... AND I THINK ITS NIC... OMG!!!!! NO WAY.... AND HOLD YOUR IT... HE IS ABOUT TO MAKE A SPEECH.."SAYS KENNY .... "WITH ALL DUE RESPECT FOR WEAPON X HE WORTHY OF THIS POSITION BUT I KNOW IM OVERWEIGHT AND CAN FINNISH ALL THE FOOD IN BOSTON BUT GIV ME SOME RESPECT RITE NOW... "OMG NIC TATS SO KIND... DUDE IM CELTICS PLAYER NOW... YEAA.. SCREW U NIC..... " AT THE END OF THE DAY ONLY MENG SOON WASNT CHOSEN BY ANY TEAM DUE TO THE LACK OF QUALITY POSSESED BY MENG SOON...

CRISTIANO RONALDO

CRISTIANO RONALDO ALSO KNOWN AS "THE DIVER" IS ONE OF THE FAMOUS FOOTBALLERS WHO UNDERGO DING DONG SURGERY CLAIMING THAT A WOODEN STICK GOT STUCK IN HIS COCK.... WELL IM NOT GONNA TALK BOUT WAT HAPPEN IN SURGERY BUT SOME RUMOURS SAYS THAT ONE OF HIS TESTICLES WAS REMOVED TO AVOID HIS DING DONG FROM GETTING STUCK... WELL IM HERE TO DISCUSS WAT HAPPEN DURING MANCHESTER UNTITLED'S 2-1 LOST TO ARSENAL... APPARENTLY WHEN MAN U WAS DOWN 2-0 RONALDO DECIDED TO LIE DOWN AT THE SIDE OF THE FEILD AND STARTED TO FLY HIS KITE... THIS SORT OF ACT STILL COULD NOT BE UNDERSTOOD ... EVEN FAMOUS TOILET CLEANER ALBERT EINSTEIN WAS STUDYIN IN HIS 2 FOOT LONG AND 2 FOOT WIDE ROOM COULD NOT UNDERSTAND.. SOME SAY HE WAS SO STUPID HE COULD NOT TELL WHICH HE SHOULD EAT HIS SHIT OR HIS SHOE?? TAT ACTUALLY KILLED HIM... BACK TO THE STORY... RONALDO WAS FLYIN KITE WHEN A DOG CARRYIN A PIECE OF WOOD DROPPED IN ON HIS KITE WHICH REQUIRE HIM TO UNDERGO SURGERY... ERMMM TATS ALL ... BUT MORE FOR HIM IN THE FUTURE

WHAT HAPPEN IN SCHOOL???

I CAME TO SCHOOL PUMPED UP, FEELIN GOOD, READY TO GIV SOME SHIT TO MY PRINCIPAL... BUT NOTHING HAPPEN TILL LUNCH HOUR, WHEN OUR BASKETBALL STAR FOONG POOI JOE WAS TEACHIN THE FORM FIVES HOW TO THROW THE BALL AND MISS THE TARGET AT THE SAME TIME... ITS QUITE A SPECTACULAR THING TO SEE CAUSE HE IS SUCH A GREAT COACH... THEN WHEN THE MATCH STARTED... EVERYONE WAS TRYIN TO WIN THE GRAND PRIZE WHERE THE WINNER GETS A JOB BECOMIN AN TOILET CLEANER.... THE JOB IS A ONE DAY JOB DUE TO THE AMOUNT OF SHIT LEFT BEHIND BY OUR BASKETBALL STAR XHENG U...AS THE MATCH WAS ON THE WAY, PJ WAS IN THE GROOVE MISSING ALL THE SHOTS AND ALSO PASSING TO THE HIS OPPONENTS ALL THE WAY... WHEN THE GAME WAS REACHIN TOWARDS ITS END... OUR MAIN STAR MENG SOON WAS KICKED IN THE DING DONG BY THIS GUY NAME DUSTBIN OF SOMETHIN WELL IN DOESNT MATTER... THIS INCCIDENT CAUSE THE FOETUS OF PN.KASTURI TO POP OUT AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT CAUSING THE BABY TO REBOUND AND SMASH INTO HER FACE... SHE HAD TO GO FOR A MAJOR SURGERY TO REMOVE THE HEAD AND PLACE IT ON A DOG FOR SURVIVAL... BACK TO THE COURT.. MENG SOON GOT UP PULLED DOWN HIS PANTS AND STARTED TO FLASH HIS DING DONG TO DUSTBIN... IN CASE YOUR WONDERING WHY HE DID THAT... WE ALL HAVE NO IDEA... THIS BEHAVIOUR OF ALIENS ARE SINCE BEING INVESTIGATED SINCE 1777 AND SCIENTICST STILL COULDNT DISCOVER SUCH BEHAVIOUR... THIS CAUSE SOME REALLY BAD EXCHANGE OF BLOWS AND THE WEAPON X GOT INTO THE FIGHT AS WELL... WEAPON X DELIVERED A BONE CRUSHING TACKLE ON DUSTBIN WHICH CAUSE HIS TESTICLES TO GET SUCKED IN INTO HIS ABDOMEN... WEAPON X DIDNT END THERE HE WAS BROUGHT TO THE PRINCIPAL AND WAS ASKED WHY HE DECIDED TO DO SUCH ACT... PISSED AT THAT STUPID QUESTION XHENG U WHO WAS STANDIN BESIDE WEAPON X DECIDED TO RELEASE A GAS CALLED "FART" THAT CAUSE EVERYONE IN THE ROOM TO GO KO.... EVEN WEAPON X... AND HIMSELF ALSO... AT THE END OF THE DAY I WAS ALLOWED TO CONTINUE SCHOOLING AND XHENG U WAS FORCED TO USE PAMPERS TO SCHOOL FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.... AMEN...

THE MAN

PEOPLE... IM GONNA SAY SOMETHIN BOUT MYSELF... IM ALSO KNOW AS WEAPON X AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT MY CLASSMATES FROM OTHERS... IM USUALLY THE FIRST THING YOU WOULD SEE WHEN U FIRST OPEN THE DOOR... AND IM TELLIN YOU.... IM NOT SUCH A FRIENDLY PERSON.... I PROTECT MY PEOPLE... NO MATTER HOW TALL U ARE... HOW STRONG... OR HOW PERVERT... I WILL GIVE ALL I CAN... I WILL STAND UP... I SHOULD HAVE LAID THE SMACK DOWN ON KAA BIN... IM ASHAMED... I FELT LIKE A SMALL KID WHEN THAT HAPPENED.. I PROMISE NEXT TIME ... IF THERE IS ANYTHING TO DO WITH OUR FORM 4.... YOUR DEALING WITH THE MAN, THE MOST DANGEROUS PERSON, THE MOST ARROGANT, STRONGER THEN A BEAR, FASTER THEN LIGHT I WILL DO ALL OF THAT CAUSE CHELSEA FC SUKS!!!!!!!! WATEVER I GOT U EXPECTED THAT... ON EVERYTHIN I DO... IM GONNA DOMINANT THIS THING.... WHICH EVER WAY IT TURNS OUT IF I LOSE OR WIN I SWEAR IM GONNA GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!

WHAT HAPPEN TO RIHANNA?

EVERYBODY HAS BEEN TRYIN TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPEN TO RIHANNA?? APPARENTLY THE 37 YEAR OLD SINGER FROM JAMAICA WAS IN A FIGHT WITH HUBBY, EX- CONVICT CHRIS BROWN... RUMOURS SUGGEST THAT RIHANNA SPELLED CHRIS BROWNS NAME WORNGLY OR CALLING HIM CHRIS WHITE CAUSE SHE SAYS HE IS NOT BLACK ENOUGH... BUT STOP ALL THIS... I HAVE THE RIGHT STORY... ACCORDING TO WHAT I HAVE HEARD.... CHRIS BROWN WHO WAS CHARGED FOR THROWING A PEICE OF WOOD AT A DOG AT 2001 WAS HAVIN AN AFFAIR WITH SOCCER STAR JOHN TERRY.. JOHN TERRY WHO IS MARRIED TO A 12 YEAR OLD GERMAN SHEPHERD DECIDED TO DUMP THE LOVELY DOG AT LONDON AND PERSUED HIS DREAMS OF BECOMING A WORLD CLASS RUBBISH COLLECTOR AT AMERICA... ON THE OTHER SIDE, CHRIS BROWN WHO SUFFERED FROM ASTHMA AFTER INHALING DUST FROM THE DRAIN... JOHN TERRY MET CHRIS BROWN AT A BEGGAR STORE NEAR THE COFFEE SHOP THAT SAYS BEGGARS NOT ALLOWD.. THEY CLICKED... ITS LIKE WHEN JIPS FINDS A PIPE.... RIHANNA WAS OUT DOIN HER NEW ALBUM CALLED "GOOD GIRL GONE WILD".... CHRIS BROWN WAS ALWAYS COMING HOME LATE... SO ONE DAY .... RIHANNA DECIDED TO WATCH A MOVIE ON HER OWN.. SHE PULLED OUT A TAPE CALLED "BOY ON BOY".... AS SHE STARTED TO WATCH SHE REALIZED IT WAS CHRIS BROWN!!!!!!!!! AND JOHN TERRY SODOMIZING!!!!!!! SHE WAS PISSED.... THEN WHEN CHRIS BROWN CAME HOME ONE NIGHT... SHE CONFRONTED HIM.... SHE WAS PISSED AND STARTED TO THROW WOMANS LINGERIE AT BROWN, THIS MADE CHRIS BROWN PISSED CAUSE HE ONLY LIKE BOYS UNDERWEARS.... HE DECIDED TO WHACK HER COW COW AND LEAVE HER THERE.... THAT WAS THE STORY... ITS VERY TURE....